Navigating Grief: A Personal and Professional Perspective on Loss

I have been taking a bit of a break from maintaining this blog because in the past few months, my family has been dealing with a very difficult loss. The loss has a been a great one – my youngest son’s close friend at only 10 years old. I contemplated writing about this because of the difficulty of even sitting with these thoughts, however, loss and grief are common experiences shared throughout humanity. Grief can feel like an enormous weight, and I want to share some of my experiences and professional insights to help others navigate this challenging time.

Personal Reflection

The loss of a child is one of the most profound pains a family can endure. For my family, it has been a time of deep sorrow and reflection. My youngest son has been struggling to understand and cope with the sudden absence of his friend, and as a parent, it’s heart-wrenching to witness his pain.

We’ve spent many nights talking about his friend, sharing memories, and trying to find comfort in the midst of our grief. It’s been a reminder of how fragile and precious life is, and how important it is to cherish the moments we have with our loved ones.

Understanding Grief

Grief is a complex and deeply personal experience. It doesn’t follow a set timeline, and everyone experiences it differently. Although grief begins in the brain, it impacts the entire body. Upon hearing about a loss, our brain activates the fight/flight response, causing stress on our organs and bodily functions. Typically, this response lasts from a few minutes to a couple of days, but after losing a loved one, these effects can persist for months, and even be reactivated years later when we face reminders of our loss. While we often think of grief as the following stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – it is usually a non-linear process with emotions that can overlap, diminish, and resurface over time.

Listen to the Instant Genius Podcast: The Neuroscience of Grief, with Mary-Frances O’Connor for more in-depth information on this.

Coping

Children may express grief in ways that are different from adults. Depending on their age, they may have trouble understanding the permanence of death and their reactions can range from sadness to confusion, anger, acting out, and even regressing. They may go from crying to playing, and that’s perfectly normal. Children’s brains usually know how much they can tolerate and changing moods doesn’t mean that they aren’t sad or that they’ve finished grieving; this is a protective mechanism designed to prevent a child from becoming overwhelmed. It’s important to provide them with a safe space to express their feelings as they come and reassure them that it’s okay to grieve. We found telling stories and sharing memories to be helpful but younger children who cannot express their emotions with words can still express their grief through drawing pictures, looking at photos, and play. Reading books about loss together can also help them understand and process their grief. Maintaining your child’s regular routine as much as possible will also help them feel secure.

For adults, I’ve found that self-care is essential. It’s important to allow ourselves to feel the pain and not rush the healing process. Here are some strategies that can help:

Mindfulness and relaxation: Practice mindfulness and relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or gentle yoga to help manage stress and anxiety. You can find more information on the benefits of mindfulness here.

Practice self-compassion: While we experience difficult moments and struggles, we offer ourselves the same kindness and compassion that we would offer someone dear to us. Here is more information on self-compassion.

Seeking support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family or professionals. Sharing grief can lighten the burden.

Maintaining routines: Keeping some regular routines can provide a sense of normalcy and stability, especially for children.

Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a therapeutic way to process your emotions.

Two women sitting together on a coach. One is comforting the other.

Professional Insights

Grief counselling and support groups provide a space for sharing experiences and receiving support. Sometimes, professional help is necessary. If you or someone you know is experiencing intense or prolonged grief, it’s important to seek assistance from a mental health professional. Signs that indicate the need for professional help include persistent depression, withdrawal from daily activities, or thoughts of self-harm. A therapist can help facilitate adaptation to loss, and help the individual find a way to maintain a bond while feeling comfortable moving forward reinvesting in life. Grief is a journey that no one should have to walk alone. If you are grieving, please know that it’s okay to seek support and take the time you need to heal.